Robert J. Sawyer

Hugo and Nebula Award-Winning Science Fiction Writer

Hey, Weather Network! Buy yourself some lowercase letters!

by Rob - December 20th, 2008.
Filed under: Uncategorized.


This stuff is important, but here’s how it reads on the Weather Network website:

A COMPLEX LOW PRESSURE SYSTEM WILL TRACK ACROSS SOUTHERN ONTARIO SUNDAY BRINGING A VARIETY OF ADVERSE WEATHER TO THE REGIONS. SNOWFALL WARNING..SNOW WILL DEVELOP NEAR LAKE ONTARIO OVERNIGHT AND OVER EASTERN ONTARIO SUNDAY MORNING. GENERAL SNOWFALL AMOUNTS NEAR 15 CENTIMETRES ARE FORECAST WITH CLOSER TO 20 CENTIMETRES IN EASTERNMOST SECTIONS. BRISK NORTHEAST WINDS WILL GIVE BLOWING SNOW AT TIMES. THE SNOW WILL TAPER OFF OVER WESTERN SECTIONS NEAR NOON SUNDAY AND OVER EASTERN ONTARIO IN THE EVENING. AREAS NEAR WESTERN LAKE ONTARIO WILL ALSO SEE LOCALIZED FLURRIES DEVELOP THIS EVENING WELL AHEAD OF THE MAIN SNOW AREA. SOME OF THESE FLURRIES WILL BE HEAVY AT TIMES WITH LOCAL BLOWING SNOW NEAR THE LAKESHORE. WIND WARNING..STRONG SOUTHWEST WINDS OF 60 KM/H WITH GUSTS TO 90 WILL DEVELOP OVER THE WARNED REGIONS SUNDAY MORNING THEN CONTINUE THROUGH THE DAY. WINDS WILL DIMINISH SOMEWHAT SUNDAY NIGHT. WIND CHILLS WILL ALSO BECOME QUITE HIGH WITH VALUES NEAR MINUS 27 EXPECTED OVER SOUTHWESTERN SECTIONS BY MID AFTERNOON. BLOWING SNOW WARNING..STRONG AND COLD WESTERLY WINDS WILL DEVELOP OVER THE WARNED REGIONS SUNDAY MORNING. THESE WINDS COMBINED WITH PERIODS OF SNOW OR FLURRIES WILL FREQUENT WHITEOUT CONDITIONS IN BLOWING SNOW. SNOWSQUALL WARNING..SNOWSQUALLS WILL DEVELOP IN WEST TO SOUTHWESTERLY WINDS OFF LAKE ERIE AROUND MIDDAY SUNDAY. THESE SQUALLS WILL GIVE LOCAL SNOWFALL AMOUNTS OF 15 CENTIMETRES ALONG WITH EXTENSIVE WHITEOUT CONDITIONS. MOTORISTS SHOULD BE PREPARED ONCE AGAIN TO ALTER TRAVEL PLANS FOR TONIGHT AND SUNDAY ACCORDINGLY. TRAVELLING CONDITIONS WILL AGAIN DETERIORATE QUICKLY BEGINNING TONIGHT WITH DANGEROUS WINTER DRIVING CONDITIONS FROM WHITEOUTS IN BLOWING SNOW AND HEAVY SNOW EXPECTED TO DEVELOP. SNOWSQUALLS MAY ALSO BECOME AN ISSUE TO THE LEE OF LAKE HURON AND GEORGIAN BAY SUNDAY NIGHT AND MONDAY. ENVIRONMENT CANADA CONTINUES TO CLOSELY MONITOR THIS SITUATION AND WARNINGS MAY BE ISSUED LATER TODAY OR TONIGHT AS THIS STORM DRAWS CLOSER.

Lowercase letters and a few paragraph breaks would help a lot, guys, plus, y’know, a colon is actually two dots stacked vertically not horizontally:

A complex low pressure system will track across Southern Ontario Sunday bringing a variety of adverse weather to the regions.

Snowfall warning: snow will develop near Lake Ontario overnight and over Eastern Ontario Sunday morning. General snowfall amounts near 15 centimetres are forecast with closer to 20 centimetres in easternmost sections. Brisk northeast winds will give blowing snow at times. The snow will taper off over western sections near noon Sunday and over Eastern Ontario in the evening. Areas near western Lake Ontario will also see localized flurries develop this evening well ahead of the main snow area. Some of these flurries will be heavy at times with local blowing snow near the lakeshore.

Wind warning: strong southwest winds of 60 km/h with gusts to 90 will develop over the warned regions Sunday morning then continue through the day. Winds will diminish somewhat Sunday night. Wind chills will also become quite high with values near minus 27 expected over southwestern sections by mid afternoon.

Blowing snow warning: strong and cold westerly winds will develop over the warned regions Sunday morning. These winds combined with periods of snow or flurries will frequent whiteout conditions in blowing snow.

Snowsquall warning: snowsqualls will develop in west to southwesterly winds off lake erie around midday Sunday. These squalls will give local snowfall amounts of 15 centimetres along with extensive whiteout conditions. Motorists should be prepared once again to alter travel plans for tonight and Sunday accordingly.

Travelling conditions will again deteriorate quickly beginning tonight with dangerous winter driving conditions from whiteouts in blowing snow and heavy snow expected to develop. Snowsqualls may also become an issue to the lee of Lake Huron and Georgian Bay Sunday night and Monday. Environment Canada continues to closely monitor this situation and warnings may be issued later today or tonight as this storm draws closer.

People die when we have storms like this. How ’bout making the warnings clear and legibile, instead of like some god-damned disclaimer on a software license agreement? I note that the same warnings are legible and readable at the Environment Canada website, which is the source of the data. Get with the program, Weather Network!

The Robert J. Sawyer Web Site

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